Monday, November 14, 2011

Finding the Frog in BFs and BFFs


High school can bring about all kinds of hell, and put all kinds of pressures on friendships. This latest topic looks at either, or both. Since I shared a hellish high school memory last month, I'm taking the friendship angle to kick off the topic... although, my high school memory was also about friendship. Hmm... All right, just stick with me )
My first serious, long-term boyfriend – okay, my first boyfriend, period – was an “all in” kind of guy. He was totally into the cowboy thing (which in retrospect is hilarious given we lived in the shadow of Manhattan) and totally devoted to me. I don’t say that to be vain, just to set the stage.
Our very first date we doubled with Cowboy’s best friend, Flyboy, and his girlfriend (unlike Cowboy, Flyboy really was a small craft pilot). Flyboy and I got along fine…for a while. Little by little, though, as time progressed, Cowboy spent more and more time with me and less and less time with Flyboy. For those of you who’ve been in this situation, you know what this makes me (or, err, you). The girlfriend who comes between two best guy friends is an interloper at best, a royal bitch at worst.

I was a royal bitch. Whenever Flyboy and I found ourselves in one another’s company, he sneered at me and I cowered. Honest to donkeys I had no idea what I was doing to deserve the hostility treatment…until, as was inevitable, I broke up with Cowboy (cos omg he was totally suffocating me!) and Cowboy moved on to another girl, and Flyboy once again got left in the dust…or the clouds, I suppose.
In time, Flyboy had the grace to apologize for treating me the way he did, confessing that he thought I had put some constraint on Cowboy that prevented the guys from hanging together. While Cowboy faded off into the sunset for both of us, Flyboy and I went on to become truly good friends, and I swore to myself I would never let a guy come between me and my best friend, ever. I saw what it could do to friendships, and I didn't want it happening to mine. And it never did.
So how about you princes and princesses out there? Ever been pushed aside for a frog? Ever been the one doing the pushing? How did it turn out? Share your experiences in the comments -- I've got to go hit facebook to see if I can't find Flyboy.... *vbg*

14 comments:

Melissa Landers said...

Great post, Jen! I'm sure I did some pushing or pulling in my day, but nothing as specific as Flyboy comes to mind. I think it's natural to forget our friends when we're in the throes of young love because those feelings are so powerful. But looking back, yeah, it's the friendships that have lasted, not the puppy love.

Renee Pace said...

Great honest post. I married my BFF and he knew at the time I didn't love him - wow has that ever changed! We're 20 years strong and I love him more each day. He's still my BFF always.

Carey_Corp said...

Great post Jen. My BFF and her BF were connected at the hip. They even had matching haircuts. I often felt like the interloper. But the BF broke up with my BFF at the end of senior year. I'm so glad I never gave in to petty jealousy or did anything to ruin the friendship. My BFF and I are still connected, whereas the BF has dropped of the face of the earth.

@Renee - still reeling from your revelation... "I married my BFF and he knew at the time I didn't love him" I sense a guest post on Honestly YA in your future!

tueremorton said...

Hi Jen, this is a great issue! True friends in healthy relationships shouldn't feel any kind of threat when either one starts dating, etc. When I finally cut 1 of my besties loose, it had more to do with the years of underlying issues in our relationship than the the 3rd party.

Hubby and I are bffs, but he holds anyone I befriend in high regard b/c he trusts my judgement :)

Jennifer McGowan said...

How wonderful is this post! I avoided all of this by apparently drawing outcasts into my web. :) It's not that they didn't have any friends, but their friends were already my friends, and we all just ended up staging massive euchre tournaments.

Yes... I was that girl. :)

~J

Kimberly said...

I was always the one who would ditch a guy to save a friendship, and that was a rarity in my school. The reason I always felt like that was because my grandmother told me to treat friendships better than boys since boyfriends tend to change more often than friendships. If you have good friends, that is.
Unfortunately, that has always been the case. I've seen many friends through heartbreaks and even divorce.
But, like I said in my last post, Girlfriends Rule, Boyfriends Drool. :-)
Kim

Kimberly said...

BTW, totally love Sam and Dean in that picture. Are you a Supernatural fan or just liked the picture? :-)

Lorie Langdon said...

Great post, Jen! A story many of us can relate to.
So, did you find Flyboy on Facebook???

Lea Nolan said...

Great post! I never dealt with this because my only official high school boyfriend didn't have any close buddies. But I do remember how difficult it was to juggle my own friendships once I took the dive into having a boyfriend!

PJ Sharon said...

Fun post! Friendship always came first for me. Mom used to say, guys come and go, but best friends are forever. She was a smart woman. Troubled, but smart.

Jennifer said...

@PJ - that is precisely what I'm trying to teach my girls. BFFs first are forever (so are sisters, but they're having a tougher time with that concept *S*)

@Lea - sounds like almost a blessing having a guy without a lot of close buddies. lesser conflict? maybe? no?

Jennifer said...

@Kim, your grandmother was very wise : ) and her teaching shows in the way you care for your friends! (and no, I'm not a fan of Supernatural -- I'm also not, not a fan, lol! I've only seen a few episode. My daughter promises to convert me over holiday break *s*)

@Jennifer, i was in the outcast crew in high school, too! Truer friends were never found. And now I have to google "euchre"...

Jennifer said...

@Tuere, I so agree that there should be no threat with true friends. But now and again I wonder and how we learned that in our wild and crazy youth, you know? Well, okay, so I just shared with the world how I learned... ; )

@Carey, matching haircuts?!?! you poor thing! Glad the friendship survived and the guy with the girlie haircut faded away. heehee.

Jennifer said...

@Renee -- ditto, Carey. Yours sounds like a fascinating story! Did your family choose your hubby for you? (I ask that honestly! It's not uncommon among some of my coworkers so now I wonder...)

@Melissa, you're right, it probably is natural to forget our friends in youth. I'm soooo glad that habit didn't last though! I'd be lost without my besties!