Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Welcome Wednesday: Romily Bernard's Some Stuff About Summer Love

We are pleased as punch to welcome Romily Bernard, this year's Golden Heart winner in the Young Adult category.  Great things are happening with her book, FIND ME, but she'll tell you about that later. First, she's got a Summer Love story to share, sort of...

Summer love, huh? Am I the only person who hears summer love and thinks “Eeew…sticky.” It must be a Georgia thing. They keep telling me “it taint the heat, it’s tha humidity.” But I still don’t believe them. The posts have been great though! We’ve talked about getting it on (in meteor showers no less), getting over it (when your summer fling fizzles), but what about getting even?

Yeah, yeah, I hear you, but we’re going to do it anyway. I’m like a freaking PSA over here. This is stuff you need to know.

If only so you can encourage your friends to do it.

So. What do you do when that sweet boy with pretty eyes turns out to be a tool? You make him pay.
 Now, you could go all Taylor Swift and write a song about it. Or Elin Nordegren and take a golf club to his car, but, let’s be honest, that’s not going to work for most of us.

There’s always the can of paint to his car move, but this is risky if you’re clumsy (like me) or if there are security cameras (which I would never notice). Same thing goes for keying and tire slashing. You have to think outside the box.

My personal favorite came from a friend who put her cheating boyfriend’s contact information up on Craigslist. Apparently, the calls from the girls were bad enough, but the calls from the, um, gentlemen were breathtaking. And not in a good way. He eventually had to change his number so she got extra points for inconveniencing him.

Really all of this is just a practice run for when graduate and your creepy boss decides to get handsy. I’m hoping all of you avoid the hell that is being a Personal Assistant, but, in the event that you do not, please consider the following approaches:

Does he make you pick up his dry-cleaning? This one’s for you, baby. Most dry-cleaners also do alterations. Use this to your benefit. Have his pockets sewn shut or his pants shortened by two inches. If you’re feeling particularly grumpy, see if they’ll monogram his shirts with SOB.

And, yes, this tactic takes a little planning so be sure to use that outlook calendar he’s always bitching you never fill out. Remember, it’s important to learn from constructive criticism.

Oh, and this move also works for cheating husbands/boyfriends. I’m just saying.

Moving on. Does Creepy Boss leave his office door unlocked? You live a charmed life, my friend. I’ve never been more proud than the day I hid sushi rolls in my boss’s bookshelves. By the time I popped back over the following week to pick up my check, the stench was truly horrific. Like, epically horrific. It was awesome.

Romily Bernard’s debut, FIND ME, hits stores Fall 2013. Since that’s a ridiculously long time to wait for anything, follow her at www.romilybernard.com or on Twitter @RomilyBernard.

So. Anyone else care to pass on some tips? And, as always, a huge, huge, huge thank-you to the Honestly YA girls for having me!!

~Romily

21 comments:

Melissa Landers said...

Sushi rolls in the bookshelf! Brilliant!!!

Romily Bernard said...

Glad you enjoyed, Melissa! I still wonder if he ever figured out I was the culprit :)

Kimberly said...

Romily, Romily...
I hope I never get on your bad side. :-)
That was too funny. Of course I'm too much of a chicken to actually do anything like that, but I'm so very impressed. I'll have to live vicariously...
Congrats on your Golden Heart win! And super congrats on the book coming out. November 2013 seems like a long time, but it's really a blink of an eye in this industry. I can't wait to read it!
Remember, I've done absolutely nothing to you. Nothing...:-)
This is me on your good side.

BoyGenius said...

Hey sweetie,
When I heard the topic of the blog I thought you might talk about when we made out in front of a bus full of children or when you pushed me up against the truck to kiss me. I should have known better... only you take the topic of summer love and segue it into "how to get revenge". (P.S I believe that former boss did know it was you since he placed your desk next to the men's bathroom!)
Love you and proud of you!
BoyGenius

CareyCorp said...

Thanks for a fun post Romily! I'm with Kim, I plan NEVER to cross you.

OMG, I LOVE the Craig's List revenge. I wish I'd thought of that for my sister's ex or the trophy-trash he cheated on her with.

Funny you should mention bosses. I'm not nearly as aggressive as you, but my current favorite maneuver is to put my head phones on and fake listening to music - all day long. Then when he tries to get my attention, I pretend not to see him. Eventually he has to get up, walk around the partition and stand at my desk. If he says something about not being able to get my attention, I blink up at him and say, "Sorry, I was in the zone." Yeah - the I hate dealing with you zone. :)

Unknown said...

If only I weren't such a chicken...

As to the segue, I think summer love to revenge is a natural one. I'm still ticked off at the guy who inexplicably dumped me for a blonde at Governor's School back in the day. If only they'd had sushi out in the boondocks of West TN...and I weren't such a chicken.

Romily Bernard said...

@ Kimberly, thank you so much for the congrats! We're very excited about FIND ME. Between rewrites and the sequel, I'm sure this next year is going to fly by, but I'm still so impatient ;)

Romily Bernard said...

@Boy Genius, you make me sound like I jumped on you...well maybe I did. Maybe I wouldn't have HAD to jump on you if you had made the first move :)

Romily Bernard said...

@Carey Corp, LOVE the headphones idea. I once rerouted my boss's direct flight through three other stops to get back at him and told him I too "was in the zone" and had "no idea" how that happened. Must've been the same zone as you :)

Romily Bernard said...

@Unknown, are you hiding? I know who you are :) and you don't have to exact revenge on anyone because I will happily do it for you :)

Suzanne Lilly said...

I love the Craigslist trick. Here's one I wouldn't recommend, but I knew a woman who did this to her cheating husband. She went in his closet with a pair of scissors and...well, you can guess he was quite embarrassed when he didn't have anything to wear but his boxer shorts. She told me it was quite satisfying.

Romily Bernard said...

@Suzanne Lilly, very glad you enjoyed. I bet your friend did feel satisfied. My mom was at a yard sale once where the wife was selling off the husband's stuff for a dollar a pop. Golf clubs? A dollar. Bar set? A dollar. When he came home, she was going to give him his half: 50 cents. I cannot imagine what he did to enrage her...

Lea Nolan said...

Love, love, love this post. You are one diabolical lady! I wish I had half the guts and sass to pull this stuff off because I've known quite a few people who deserved! Congrats on FIND ME, I'm sure it'll be a big hit! :)

Barbara Patterson said...

I can just see you doing the sushi roll thing! I had a bad summer breakup once and I was so mad that I took all of his tools and slung them in a lake one by one as he watched me from a distance. He knew better than to get too close to me or I might have slung one at him! Congrats on your new book "Find Me" and can't wait to read it. I sure miss the days of reading your work in progress.

Lorie Langdon said...

Thanks so much for being here, Romily!
I've had a boss with wandering...er...eyes who got drunk while in Mexico and emailed me some pretty incriminating stuff. With written evidence of his piggishness, let's just say his eyes never roamed again. ;-)

Romily Bernard said...

@ Lea Nolan, hee! So glad you enjoyed! So very, very glad you invited me to blog with you!

Romily Bernard said...

@ Mama B, I can totally, totally see you doing that. This is why we get along so well. Thanks for commenting, love. You are the absolute best.

Romily Bernard said...

@ Lorie, it's so nice when they just hand you the evidence, isn't it?

Romily Bernard said...

@ Melissa Landers, how on earth did I miss this comment? So very sorry. I'm meant to be good friends with anyone who enjoys the sushi story. I think it's my best work yet. Thank so much for commenting!!

Nicki Salcedo said...

What fun. Soon it will be too cold for revenge so I've got to do your "sushi-shelf" torture quick. You are my hero!

Arneida said...

I will have to remember the craigs list event. I actually think I know a couple of dead beats that could really use a few nice phone calls.