I can’t remember a time in my childhood when I wasn’t dreaming about what it would be like to be someone else. And I think some of that might be because I was convinced that I was lacking...something. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But see, there were all of these people in my head who were so much more.
And for years I longed to become one of them. I soaked in stories of female warriors and tried to imagine what my life would be like if I could kick butt and cast spells.
That’s when I first created Future Marni. See, I couldn’t measure up to my own impossible standards yet, but Future Marni? Yeah, she was awesome.
I didn’t think she would like me very much though. I thought that Future Marni would be ashamed to have anything to do with me. I knew there would be no fooling her. She had already witnessed exactly how hard I worked to hide the twisted knots of insecurities that contorted beneath my skin.
It’s strange being Future Marni.
In some ways, Middle School Marni gave me waaay too much credit. I still don’t know how to drive. I haven’t traveled to foreign countries on my own. And all of those pesky feelings of inadequacy? Yeah, those totally didn’t vanish overnight.
But I also remember sitting in my bedroom in high school, craning my neck towards the night sky, and wishing on every star with a single-minded desperation to someday make it as a writer.
I never could have imagined all of this!
|I’m holding the Hungarian version of my debut novel, Awkward!|
Seriously. If you had taken Middle School Marni aside and said, “Marni, calm down! You’re going to be published, okay? Not just in English either. The Hungarians are totally going to love you!” I would have burst out laughing.
And then I probably would have had another one of those holy-crap-the-future-is-freaking-me-out moments.
|Here I am freaking out--with pure, unadulterated joy!|
I don’t think I would have been able to fathom any of this.
Not creating my own book trailers:
...not creating my only vlog...
...and definitely not having the third book in my series, Invisible, described positively by Kirkus Reviews!
The author continues the formula she concocted for her previous books (Awkward, 2012, etc.), keeping the wit dialed up to 11 in a comedy of errors. Constant quips about school, life and current situations will delight readers. Nearly everything works for laughs, but Jane also learns some solid life lessons about bullying and courage, and she teaches some lessons about friendship to her own circle as well.
Middle School Marni would be slack-jawed after reading that one!
In fact, I had a mini-conversation with Middle School Me which went something like this:
Me: They really like our book! Can you believe it?!
MS Me: Are you sure they weren’t confused or something? I mean, since when have we ever kept the wit dialed up to 11? I’ll tell you when--never. We have never kept the wit dialed up to anything. Now if they had written, oh I dunno...Bates keeps the weird dialed up to 11...yeah, that would make sense.
Me: What if I told you we weren’t all that weird anymore?
MS Me: I’d say I never expected I’d become a pathological liar. Y’know, that review makes a whole lot more sense now. You faked it!
Me: I did not!
MS Me: (skeptically) Mmm-hmmm...
Me: Okay, fine! So we’re still kinda weird!
MS Me: (smugly) That’s what I thought!
Me: But we’ve found all of these other weird people who are super awesome! So now on the relative weirdness scale we are totally at a reasonable level.
MS Me: I’ll believe it when I see it.
What can I say? Middle School Marni would have a hard time believing any of this.
I guess this post is my long, ramble-y way of saying that it gets better.
So. Much. Better.
I’d love to hear what adventures you have been on--especially the ones that Younger You would never believe possible!