by Kimberly MacCarron
If there’s one thing I can say with absolute certainty about my
teen years it’s that I don’t regret my friendships. Not one. It’s
not because they were all perfect friends with perfect life views. It’s not because they fit into a mold
that was given to me by my parents or my church or any authority figure. It was because all my friendships were
different. My friends were
different.
My daughter Megan said to me just this morning, “I love my green
day lunches and my blue day because I have different sets of friends.” I’m paraphrasing because the comment
came before my coffee, but the idea made me smile. That’s the way I felt all through my teen years.
Sometimes I felt like I was cheating on one group of friends
while I was hanging out with a different group, but overall, all my friends
filled a need in me. The need to
stretch my ideas and see that the world was an open place, and for me to fit
into that world someday required me to be open to the differences in people.
I had my cheerleading friends and my youth group friends and
friends from school.
Sometimes they overlapped and sometimes they didn’t. I went to a Christian high school, so I
suppose there was way more overlap than I thought at the time.
There were groups of girls that were deemed a little looser than
the girls that were “saving themselves for marriage”. There were girls who wore makeup and flirted and made out
with boys, and then there were the girls who were more interested in grades and
their future.
Where did I fit in?
I still don’t know. I
walked a tightrope between them.
Having done that and enjoyed the differences in those friendships has
taught me so much about adult relationships.
Sometimes people grow into better people. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes those catty girls grow up to
be catty PTA members or dance moms in your community. Sometimes people change and sometimes they don’t. The key is acceptance.
We don’t know why that overachiever felt the need to be perfect
growing up. Maybe they had
overbearing parents who never gave them unconditional love or acceptance. We just don’t know.
My friends today come from every kind of background, every
political party, every religion—from Evangelicals and Catholics to Buddhists and
Muslims. I also have friends who
are Atheists, and once again I’m not even sure where I fit in any of these
groups. Just like my friends, my
ideas don’t fit into a mold.
Two of my favorite movies growing up were DEAD POET’S SOCIETY
and THE BREAKFAST CLUB. Both were
about conformity. Both were about
fighting against the stereotypes we place on people for whatever reason. Sometimes it’s out of fear or
ignorance. Most of the times it’s
what some authority figure in our lives has told us to believe. We generally hold firmly to our
parents’ beliefs until we actually make our way into the world. And finally breaking free to become
your own person is a gift you give yourself.
We should all spread our wings. We should all look at the world and the people in it with
acceptance.
This is one of my favorite scenes from the DEAD POET’S SOCIETY:
(Keating stands on his desk)
John Keating: Why
do I stand up here? Anybody?
Dalton: To feel
taller!
John Keating: No!
(Dings a bell with his foot) Thank
you for playing, Mr. Dalton. I
stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a
different way.
This past week in my community, a beautiful high school sophomore took her own life. I didn't know her, but I cried. I cried the tears of a parent. I cried the tears of a washed-up teen. I cried because I'm human. There were many reasons discussed, but in the end we will never really know why she took her life. Sadly, she will become a statistic. An ugly, frightening statistic of teen suicide. My hope is for teens to realize that they are never alone. That just because they don't share the same beliefs or world views of someone else doesn't diminish them. We are not alone! This is for adults as well. Too many people struggle with their views, their hopes and dreams.
It's okay to be different, to march to a different beat than the others. It's more than okay. It's perfect! Until we open our minds and hearts to others, we won't know that. I will end this blog post today with the letter from THE
BREAKFAST CLUB because it’s how people generally see each other unless they are
forced to see things from a different perspective.
Dear Mr.
Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in
detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make
us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to
see us…In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we
found out is that each one of us is a brain…an athlete…a basket case…a
princess…and a criminal…Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
17 comments:
Aw, love the Breakfast Club letter, Kim. Love the DPS scene. I'd seen both of those but had forgotten the specifics. Love this post! Thanks for this great reminder and this bit of inspiration today. And thanks for being such a good friend. :)
Aw. Right back at you. Thanks for being a part of my new circle of friends. They are the best I've ever had.
My kids were just watching TBC the other day, and I knew I had to include something about that movie. :-)
This is a beautiful post, Kim! I've always been a non-conformist myself, and had friends from all social groups. I hope my writing empowers teens to take their own path. :)
This post reminds me that you and I have a lot in common even though we've never met. We'll have to remedy that one of these days soon!
Thanks,Lorie!
I'm looking forward to meeting you! We will definitely have to remedy that. :-)
I think empowering teens really means showing them that it's okay to take a different direction than our own or anyone else's. Two roads diverged and all that...:-)
Kim- that was beautiful-- really. I loved that post, and it made me wish that I had diversified a little more in high school. I started discovering the beauty of all those different ideas and opinions and viewpoints in college, and now my life is full of them. I can see how embracing that at an earlier age might actually prevent a tragedy like the one that occurred recently in your town. I'll bet you're a great mom. I know you're a great friend. :)
Loved this post, Kim. Your daughter's green day friends and blue day friends made me smile. :-)
Amy,
I agree that kids need to learn to diversify earlier. Even when we don't particularly like the way they're diversifying, adults need to respect that there's a reason that particular person appeals to our child. And we need to help them embrace the differences. :-)
And you're a great friend as well. Thanks, Amy!
Sandra,
Thanks so much for stopping by! It's the little things that make us smile and remember, isn't it? :-)
Kimberly, I loved this post for so many reasons. Well done! Thank you for posting it :-)
Thanks for stopping by, Kendra! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Kim, you have the most amazing knack of making my cry along to your blog posts! But that's okay. We all need a good cry sometimes. Seriously, excellent post. I think we're all striving for self-acceptance as well as acceptance of others. That's true for me, at least.
Kim, this post made me smile and cry at the same time. Both of those movies are on my keeper shelf, and I echo your advice on embracing our differences and letting them bring us together. Big hugs!
Being different implies there's someone who is not...so yeah, one of the reasons The Breakfast Club was one of MY favorites, too (and except for the ending - Dead Poets Society would have been - but too DAMN sad:)...anyway, your posts always get me thinking. Thank you.
Vanessa,
I love, love, LOVE when I make you cry on the train. Seriously, though, you're completely right. We often strive for acceptance. It's doesn't matter the age at all.
Bonnie,
Now I see why we bonded so very well. We love the same movies, books and embracing our differences. :-)
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Denny,
I cried so much in DEAD POET'S SOCIETY. I'm afraid to watch it again as an adult. It was awfully sad. For every kid that feels pressured to be someone they aren't, there's the adult left behind to grieve the loss. Most of the time it's all been for love--in some way or the other. Just misplaced. Misunderstood. Misguided. Sad, sad, SAD.
I'm glad I get you thinkin', Denny. You always do the same for me...Lol.
Thanks for visiting me today!
What a perfect way to end the post Kim! Perfect!!!
Carey,
I knew you'd love the end! Lol.
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